Not too many years go when you saw a hamburger on an advertisement it was all neatly under the bun top. Pimento and cheese slathered smoothly over perfect bread. Clothes were always ironed. Shoes always clean. Everything matched. Rooms showed no sign of being lived in.
I noticed the change today like never before. My pimento and cheese looked perfect to me with small gaping holes in the coverage. Some cheese hanging over the sides. When did this come to be...this new presentation of what life is supposed to look like? I'm wondering.
Maybe messy came with "Shabby Chic", grunge, and recycling. But I'm thinking it came with
realization that the world is actually out of our control. From the sixties came the assassination of our president, later rioting and mass protests over a war we could not control. Later in the eighties we watched as our space program suddenly had a problem and we lost our crew before our very eyes. This very day in 1986. In the year 2001 we helplessly watched as a part of every picture of NYC skyline disappeared along with thousands of innocent people. Our war department attacked, our air traffic now shutdown, men and women taking their life in their hands and crashing a plane. A plane headed to destroy our nations capital or the White House. Now there are floods and major snow storms, political upheaval in many countries, near each other, all at the same time.
It's no wonder we see messy as mod.
What I love is that our order is no longer so focused on the external. It is where it should be and can be on the internal. Within the last few weeks, this has come across my path many times over:
"In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart!
I have overcome the world." Jesus , from John 16:33b
Just this morning:
"And surely I am with you always,
even to the very end of the age." Jesus last words in Matthew 28:20b
I find my heart gladdened every time I think on these words of His. He does have the last word.
He is the Alpha and the Omega. I am know this messy world was on His heart as He said those words so long ago....even then, we were on His heart, too.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Where and When?
Today has been a day of headache and general blahs. Needing a kick-start, I'm seriously doing my best not to depend on a movie, TV or food to snap me out of it. I've fallen into marathon reading once again, but even that I'm holding at bay. You see I need to disappear for a while. Oh, I don't mean leave town, just be completely invisible. There are things in my future that are suspended in time and there is a real desire on my part to reach up and take control of them. That is exactly what I am not supposed to do.
"having done everything to stand, STAND therefore..." that has been the command to my heart in many areas before and it seems to be here once again. There is no danger, no illness to fear, no demand too heavy, no sorrow or concern upon my person. It's dreams and a knowing that there is an opportunity to see those dreams come to be. So close...so close.
A wise young friend voiced her need to trust the Marvelous Creator of our being. I, likewise,
am needing to trust..."He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." I am awaiting His completion. His move. His showing me that things that seem as if they are not working..are indeed working. Last night there was a glimmer of progress and a call to my heart to hold steady and STAND.
I'm happy. I'm "stupified". I'm calm. I'm sure. I'm growing....and that's the hardest part. If I was "a big girl" I'd be beyond all wondering but I guess I'm not. So I'm still wishing I could go invisible and walk through a few situations and hear the voice of people involved...to know what they are really thinking. Wish Frodo would lend me his cloak.
Once again I hear "Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not on thy own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge HIM and He will direct thy path." So since there are no obvious sign posts I'm going ahead, straight ahead, and believe that He's already made a way before me. Actually there is no safer place to STAND.
Eph. 6:10-18 (13b & 14a) ; Phil. 1:6 ;Prov. 3:5&6
"having done everything to stand, STAND therefore..." that has been the command to my heart in many areas before and it seems to be here once again. There is no danger, no illness to fear, no demand too heavy, no sorrow or concern upon my person. It's dreams and a knowing that there is an opportunity to see those dreams come to be. So close...so close.
A wise young friend voiced her need to trust the Marvelous Creator of our being. I, likewise,
am needing to trust..."He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." I am awaiting His completion. His move. His showing me that things that seem as if they are not working..are indeed working. Last night there was a glimmer of progress and a call to my heart to hold steady and STAND.
I'm happy. I'm "stupified". I'm calm. I'm sure. I'm growing....and that's the hardest part. If I was "a big girl" I'd be beyond all wondering but I guess I'm not. So I'm still wishing I could go invisible and walk through a few situations and hear the voice of people involved...to know what they are really thinking. Wish Frodo would lend me his cloak.
Once again I hear "Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not on thy own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge HIM and He will direct thy path." So since there are no obvious sign posts I'm going ahead, straight ahead, and believe that He's already made a way before me. Actually there is no safer place to STAND.
Eph. 6:10-18 (13b & 14a) ; Phil. 1:6 ;Prov. 3:5&6
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A Chance to Make It Right
Finished my first complete rewrite of my manuscript this evening. That's just the beginning. Any
piece I remove of it automatically causes a trickle-down effect. One rewrite starts another. The next one will be harder because I've got a lot of things that I'm going to delete. It'll be for the good of the story.
In my life there have been quite a few times I'd like to go back and get a chance to do it over...or at least I think I would. If I had done this then it would have effected that and on and on and on...there would be no end to the changes I would make. Or would I?
If I am who I say I am, a child of God, then I must believe that even myself at my worst is channeled into His Sovereign ability to work it for my good. I'm not saying it was me at my best, but me at my worst. It's just that one move automatically effects my life in ways I will never even be aware of. He will use it to make me who I am supposed to be...it may delay the plan, it may hurt ..but my story is written long or short by my own choices. My greatest challenge is the fact that my choices make a mark on other people, not just myself. For better or for worse. Those are the rewrites that are where the yearning lies. Regrets that need a balm of mercy from others.
In my book rewrite I'm on the look out for repetitions and misspelled words, incorrect grammar and unnecessary description. Those are all harmless in real life. Not being able to take back cruel words or unkind behavior is not. It is something that only a Forgiving Father can take away and I can pray that those who were harmed will themselves give me a rewrite..a chance at forgiveness.
So if I've hurt you in some way or caused you pain...please take this opportunity to know that I'd like to backspace in your heart and erase it all. That would be a perfect rewrite. It would be for the good of both of our stories.
piece I remove of it automatically causes a trickle-down effect. One rewrite starts another. The next one will be harder because I've got a lot of things that I'm going to delete. It'll be for the good of the story.
In my life there have been quite a few times I'd like to go back and get a chance to do it over...or at least I think I would. If I had done this then it would have effected that and on and on and on...there would be no end to the changes I would make. Or would I?
If I am who I say I am, a child of God, then I must believe that even myself at my worst is channeled into His Sovereign ability to work it for my good. I'm not saying it was me at my best, but me at my worst. It's just that one move automatically effects my life in ways I will never even be aware of. He will use it to make me who I am supposed to be...it may delay the plan, it may hurt ..but my story is written long or short by my own choices. My greatest challenge is the fact that my choices make a mark on other people, not just myself. For better or for worse. Those are the rewrites that are where the yearning lies. Regrets that need a balm of mercy from others.
In my book rewrite I'm on the look out for repetitions and misspelled words, incorrect grammar and unnecessary description. Those are all harmless in real life. Not being able to take back cruel words or unkind behavior is not. It is something that only a Forgiving Father can take away and I can pray that those who were harmed will themselves give me a rewrite..a chance at forgiveness.
So if I've hurt you in some way or caused you pain...please take this opportunity to know that I'd like to backspace in your heart and erase it all. That would be a perfect rewrite. It would be for the good of both of our stories.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Speaking of the Worthy One
Just felt like I had to speak of the beauty outside my window.
I'm so thankful to the Maker.
The snow has taken up residence here for ..how many days?
I'm so thankful to the real Weatherman.
The sun is spreading a gorgeous glow over all of it.
I'm so thankful to the Light of the world.
Our big red dog is all bright and shiny as she stalks the birds and fails to catch any one.
I'm so thankful that all creatures great and small were created to glorify their Creator.
The blanketed ground is baby blue in the shadows..reminds me of blue glaciers glow.
I'm so thankful for the unmeasurable expanse of God's hand.
Love knowing that my scene and the Italian's scene is so much alike...he in Colorado.
I am so thankful for the mountains and the valleys that proclaim the glory
of the One who alone is worthy to be thanked,
I'm so thankful to the Maker.
The snow has taken up residence here for ..how many days?
I'm so thankful to the real Weatherman.
The sun is spreading a gorgeous glow over all of it.
I'm so thankful to the Light of the world.
Our big red dog is all bright and shiny as she stalks the birds and fails to catch any one.
I'm so thankful that all creatures great and small were created to glorify their Creator.
The blanketed ground is baby blue in the shadows..reminds me of blue glaciers glow.
I'm so thankful for the unmeasurable expanse of God's hand.
Love knowing that my scene and the Italian's scene is so much alike...he in Colorado.
I am so thankful for the mountains and the valleys that proclaim the glory
of the One who alone is worthy to be thanked,
Friday, January 7, 2011
The Fight and the Snow Girl
Snow is everywhere. Guess we've gotten at least 7 or 8 inches. There are fifty pictures in my camera to prove it. It's beautiful and debilitating at the same time. Today, out of frustration with four-wheelers riding through our front yard, I decided to make my own snow girl.
She's only two feet tall. I finished just before dark and now I find myself walking by and turning on the outside lights to check on her. Made her hair out of dried hydranga blooms and pigtails out of dried pampus grass plums. Used dried apricots for her face and flowers from my vase for her buttons. She is doing fine but there is a funny kind of protectiveness that comes over you when you create something, at least for me it is. I want her to make it through until the thaw comes, and it will come.
Lately, I've had some serious concerns for my book. Maybe you don't know. I don't talk about it much. I'm reluctant to speak of it cause sometimes folks don't take you too seriously when you say you're a writer. Sometimes you get a nod or a raised- eyebrow nod,
but the truth is, if I am anything, I am a writer. ( Don't worry. This isn't a plug to buy my book.)
My concerns are giving me a real work out. You see, I truly have great trust in God's ability to make all things work together for my good because I am called according to His purpose . That's part of His word and I firmly believe it. But in all honesty, I am in the fight of my life to keep my faith from being tainted with fear, doubt and defeat. Moment by moment there is a need to reaffirm everything I know to be true. I was given the basic idea and almost all the main characters, names included, one day as I sat in my home. Grabbing a composition book, writing the main premise for the novel came to me and it's overall theme was amazing.
I believed in it from the start. But now, it's finished and the editing process and rewriting has started but it's so, not heading where I thought it would. The book is the same. The inspiration is the same but I think I may be scared it will never come to print.
Chances are I'm writing this just to help me put into words what a fight is going on inside of me. A couple of days ago I rewrote a great number of pages...crying over it the entire time. I love my story and completely believe that others will, too. But if you could hear what I hear in my mind at any given moment. It's a fight. It's a battle. It's hard. It's scary.
What I do know is that anything worth this much of anyone's life is worth fighting for. I find myself recommitting my work to the One who I believe gave me the inspiration in the first place. I'm learning to stay alert to what brings me down and what is true and what is not. I'm learning that my timing is not the final word and that to "trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding. In all my ways acknowledging Him and He will direct my paths" is not a simple walk in the park. It's a battle.
So pardon me while I wipe away a few more tears of weariness, honestly. The promise is, "They that wait upon the Lord, will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." Is.40:31
I guess I failed to read the part about waiting..mounting up...running.... and walking. It's not just about renewal and not being weary and not fainting. It's about the living it and then the promises take place.
So here's to waiting and remaining hopeful for His timing. Here's to not expecting to dodge the weariness, the need for renewal. I need Him to bring me all that I need to make it through this and I know He will. He's not just checking in to see how I'm doing...He is always at work making sure I make it and it's His final product that will be perfect...not mine. He is God and I am not.
As for my snow girl....I'm still checking on her.
She's only two feet tall. I finished just before dark and now I find myself walking by and turning on the outside lights to check on her. Made her hair out of dried hydranga blooms and pigtails out of dried pampus grass plums. Used dried apricots for her face and flowers from my vase for her buttons. She is doing fine but there is a funny kind of protectiveness that comes over you when you create something, at least for me it is. I want her to make it through until the thaw comes, and it will come.
Lately, I've had some serious concerns for my book. Maybe you don't know. I don't talk about it much. I'm reluctant to speak of it cause sometimes folks don't take you too seriously when you say you're a writer. Sometimes you get a nod or a raised- eyebrow nod,
but the truth is, if I am anything, I am a writer. ( Don't worry. This isn't a plug to buy my book.)
My concerns are giving me a real work out. You see, I truly have great trust in God's ability to make all things work together for my good because I am called according to His purpose . That's part of His word and I firmly believe it. But in all honesty, I am in the fight of my life to keep my faith from being tainted with fear, doubt and defeat. Moment by moment there is a need to reaffirm everything I know to be true. I was given the basic idea and almost all the main characters, names included, one day as I sat in my home. Grabbing a composition book, writing the main premise for the novel came to me and it's overall theme was amazing.
I believed in it from the start. But now, it's finished and the editing process and rewriting has started but it's so, not heading where I thought it would. The book is the same. The inspiration is the same but I think I may be scared it will never come to print.
Chances are I'm writing this just to help me put into words what a fight is going on inside of me. A couple of days ago I rewrote a great number of pages...crying over it the entire time. I love my story and completely believe that others will, too. But if you could hear what I hear in my mind at any given moment. It's a fight. It's a battle. It's hard. It's scary.
What I do know is that anything worth this much of anyone's life is worth fighting for. I find myself recommitting my work to the One who I believe gave me the inspiration in the first place. I'm learning to stay alert to what brings me down and what is true and what is not. I'm learning that my timing is not the final word and that to "trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding. In all my ways acknowledging Him and He will direct my paths" is not a simple walk in the park. It's a battle.
So pardon me while I wipe away a few more tears of weariness, honestly. The promise is, "They that wait upon the Lord, will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." Is.40:31
I guess I failed to read the part about waiting..mounting up...running.... and walking. It's not just about renewal and not being weary and not fainting. It's about the living it and then the promises take place.
So here's to waiting and remaining hopeful for His timing. Here's to not expecting to dodge the weariness, the need for renewal. I need Him to bring me all that I need to make it through this and I know He will. He's not just checking in to see how I'm doing...He is always at work making sure I make it and it's His final product that will be perfect...not mine. He is God and I am not.
As for my snow girl....I'm still checking on her.
Monday, January 3, 2011
That Sound from Below
My dog, fluffy white, is lying in my kitchen, grumbling. She starts low and escalates to almost a sound resembling a word. It goes on and on until I react and she ceases. Very sad. She is warm, dry, "clean", fed, watered, loved, talked to, given special treats,..... you know, spoiled.
This day, I kindof heard my own voice. The one that is warm, dry, "clean", fed, watered.....
and I thought "Is this the way I sound when I grumble?" It's probably more akin to nails scraping a chalkboard. But I go on in my head and out of my mouth, bemoaning my tragic estate. I hate this about second nature. It becomes so much a part of me. So...
I'm going to do my best not to complain. I want to say, "I'm going to stop complaining," but I know me and I forget. I'm not going to have just one more pity party before I quit. I'm not going to review my selfish petitions before the halt. I'm just going to go for a new direction.
"Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise." Now that's my plan. I'm actually a very grateful person. I live in an attitude of thankfulness, yet I habitually have some pet whining projects. Going to do my best to let them go. It's my gift to the Father of every good and perfect gift that comes down from Him. He's long ago known of my grievances. His mercy goes on forever.
"The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul;
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the Lord is sure, enlightening the eyes;
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
The judgements of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward........
Let the words of my mouth
and the meditations of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my Strength and
my Redeemer." Psalm 19:7-11, 14 NKJV
This day, I kindof heard my own voice. The one that is warm, dry, "clean", fed, watered.....
and I thought "Is this the way I sound when I grumble?" It's probably more akin to nails scraping a chalkboard. But I go on in my head and out of my mouth, bemoaning my tragic estate. I hate this about second nature. It becomes so much a part of me. So...
I'm going to do my best not to complain. I want to say, "I'm going to stop complaining," but I know me and I forget. I'm not going to have just one more pity party before I quit. I'm not going to review my selfish petitions before the halt. I'm just going to go for a new direction.
"Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise." Now that's my plan. I'm actually a very grateful person. I live in an attitude of thankfulness, yet I habitually have some pet whining projects. Going to do my best to let them go. It's my gift to the Father of every good and perfect gift that comes down from Him. He's long ago known of my grievances. His mercy goes on forever.
"The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul;
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the Lord is sure, enlightening the eyes;
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
The judgements of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward........
Let the words of my mouth
and the meditations of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my Strength and
my Redeemer." Psalm 19:7-11, 14 NKJV
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